Ongoing Journey - May 2022
Life Updates
Workout, Enjoying the Current Moment
4 weeks :D
First two weeks of work out felt fine, though found it significantly more difficult, convincing myself to get up and workout starting the third week. This vicious cycle of, procrastinating and feeling anxious towards it, Helen mentioned this word ‘内耗’.
Similar trend appeared before and, linking back to cooking 豆角焖面, this idea of enjoying the present moment seemed to be the solution.
Logically it made sense, though still felt this fear within me, shouldn’t I be doing something more productive, something more beneficial to my future?
Had quite a debate and, the answer I came to was, I really don’t know what the future me would want lol. I assumed that I have all the knowledge, but more often than not, with new things experienced, the direction I head to changes.
Sure a more fit body would be the end goal, but when attribute the reason to a more vibrant start to my morning, did realize it helped me continue on the trend. Something Nicole has said
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present
Outreach, Spreadsheet, Consistency
Steve graduated this semester, three years went by in a flash. Were surprised how we were able to keep in contact, despite different college, major, friend group and extracurricular.
Back in 2021 made a spreadsheet of everyone I know, name, last time of contact, and topics chatted. Been a year since and thought, perhaps consistency really is the key to keep connections. Steve I reach out every 3 month of so, we simply continue on the topics we last left off, and thus the relationship was kept.
Do similar things to myself, where everyday I’d pick a photo and place it in an album. Would look back at each one at the end of the year, revisit the highlights of each day.
This was 12-29-2019 on my album, went back to the old house in China and found this, back in Kindergarten, eager to show my mom how far I can throw fruits at a bridge.
All of these thoughts came from one question, was been asked why I do these in the first place, keeping track of people, recording lives including my own.
I felt that, highlights of my life has often being moments unrecorded, I simply didn’t realize how precise these moments would be, at that specific time. I wish to keep a consistent track on how my life has being, thus easier to see such trend, and the same with people I surround myself with, similar thoughts in Synchronous Response, Sharing Pictures.
Saying Goodbye, Ongoing Journey
I just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And it’s okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of success… I don’t think that’s doing us any good at all.
Via This twitter post.
Going further on the people spreadsheet, updated the sheet after the semester ended, and realized half of the sheet was now under the ‘inactive’ section, people I no longer contact.
Logically it was pretty easy to convince myself, I only have so much time and energy in a given day, and wish to prioritize people I wish to be close with.
However, whenever I move names to the inactive session, do felt a sense of sorrow, mixed in with regret. Felt I have failed to maintain a relationship, failed to establish consistency given time. If I would have done everything correct, would assume the relationship would last, not forever, but a very long time.
Thus felt grateful after seeing this tweet lol, thinking of life as phases instead of continues, that I don’t have to cling on to everything forever. For people we used to know, perhaps we are still friends, just lighter; we have grown apart, but that doesn’t take away the mark they left on who I am. Thinking now, ‘knowing them’ in a given time is already precise enough, wish them all the best on their ongoing journey.