Ongoing Journey - July 2022
Life Updates
Dental Appointment, Sharing Life
The doc played waterfall music during the surgery, felt calming & helpful
Went for a dental appointment third week of July, while taking the x-ray the doctor suddenly asked
What’s on your mind?
I was not expecting her to ask that lol. It was my last week in California, a sense of uncertainty was filling my heart. Talked to the doc about the 5 waitlisted classes next semester, people that I lost touch with during the summer, job hunts, post graduation plans, this feeling of, not wishing to sit around, but also unsure where I am heading to.
The doc, still operating the machine at the time, listened and nodded, letting out a few ‘mhm’ here and there. At the end after a long pause, she slowly let out ‘thanks for sharing, must take you a lot of courage to say these out loud’.
Felt a sudden sense of relief after hearing that lol, it mattered less whether she resonated with my thoughts, the fact she recognized my effort of saying these, that alone made me feel appreciated and content.
Wishing to be understood, thought if that’s one hidden goal I always had in mind.
07-19 update Jacqlyn said the doc was probably just asking how my teeth are I am on my way to jump off a cliff now
Productivity, Double Counting
Book mockup I did, be happy to share the method if you are interested :D
Let’s say you are walking on the street, and suddenly find this clean, crisp $100 sitting in the corner, you are very happy (hopefully?). So you went and bought 50 Big Macs (ate them in one go); an hour later you shopped five Uniqlo & Spy X Family Collab shirts (and threw the receipt immediately). Both these goods cost around $100, and we just gave the same $100 bill two purposes, spending more than what we found.
Now let’s replace the phrase money with time, and that’s what we call procrastination lol.
Too often for me, early in the morning I would relax and plan to work afternoon, however by afternoon I choose to relax again instead of work, this cycle on and on.
Two things helped, first an article about envelopment budgeting:
而每次有新的收入时（不管是固定薪水、稿酬、红包），都先进入「可用预算」，再明确地分配到一个或几个预算信封中，这样可以避免「得到一笔 1000 块的横财，却在五次消费时都认为自己花的是这笔钱」的幻觉。
This idea of ‘giving each dollar a purpose’ was inspiring, tried doing the same with time. Helen recommended Toggl to track times, has being pretty helpful.
The other, listened to The Psychology of Money again at the airport this week, resonated with this quote
Like everything else worthwhile, successful investing demands a price. But its currency is not dollars and cents. It’s volatility, fear, doubt, uncertainty, and regret- all of which are easy to overlook until you’re dealing with them in real time.
Replace investing with time management, realized I’ve written about this in allow myself to be human, this thought on facing challenges instead of running away from it.
Interesting how similar money is to time, both finite, both we wish to maximize its value.
Procrasination, People I Surround Myself With
Placeholder, doodle for a friend’s goldendoodle
Felt clumsy last week of June, logged a total of 22 productive hours out of 168. Chatted with Nancy and she mentioned this word ‘jaded’, got reminded of 内耗 too.
Two things helped, first an article:
拖延也许并不是一个时间管理的问题，而是一个情绪管理的问题。可能不是你不想做，恰恰相反，是你想做的太好了。
Via 自说自话 - 也许拖延是一个情绪管理问题. Recently realized I find joy/support through people I surround myself with, and this pattern seems to appear: I am the most productive when I feel cared, when people around me are happy.
The second from chatting with mom. Mom mentioned I rarely enjoy the current moment, that day when I was planning out my afternoon, while eating brunch with her.
There’s this phrase in chinese called ‘逆水行舟’, wonder if I’ve been blinded by it, always wanting for more, forgetting the fact of enjoying the present.
So stay in touch with others, enjoy the current moment, this is a follow up to the workout story.
Also linking to the $100 story, there seems to be this weird loop: I tend to use finance articles to help with time management, productivity articles to deal with myself, and self-discovery articles to manage my money lol.
Communication, Interview
As an afterthought, should’ve trust my past experiences a bit more during the interview
Had an interview with the UXA newsletter team, during the chat, had a flashback to something Nicole said
Talking to you feels like I am in an interview
Funny thing is, she’s not alone lol. Multiple people have brought it up so far this summer.
Maggie, ‘I need a break from all these follow ups’; Steven, ‘What’s going on with YOUR life Sean :D?’; Xiaohan, ‘In this chat Sean you are gonna talk about you, I am not talking until you do’; Frank, ‘如果提问是掘地你已经在刨我的祖坟了’.
To my defense, only ask more when I’m interested in the conversation/people, this feeling of content getting to know them better. Perhaps I’ve skewed the idea of conversation, as what Ping-Ya said, listening and conveying are two different things, a chat needs both to be kept alive.
Thinking now, at this moment I would love to share more, it’s simply the lack of practice. Family conflict has now diminished, I have also confessed my feelings to people I’ve drawn towards.
所以我没想着彻底改变自己，变得外向啊、善于交谈啊什么的，只是想学一点沟通技巧，总结一点经验，能够和我爱的、我认同的以及爱我的人们相处的更好。
Via 社恐自救：闲聊的话题和技巧. Linking to the dentist story, I just wish to tell better stories, to better convey my thoughts you know.